During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
