if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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