Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
