jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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