Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
