ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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