turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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