Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
