I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
