Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
