My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
