Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
