She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
