Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
