oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
