I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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