somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
3 2 1 whiskey
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
