Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
