if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
