Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
