I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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