I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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