So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
