There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
