end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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