my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
