Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
