at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
