she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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