So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
