im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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