You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
