You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize