spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
