It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
