just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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