Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
