I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
