He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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