somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
