There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
