I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize