Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
