I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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