I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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