I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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