I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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