yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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