This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
