She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize