Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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