apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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