Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
