Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
