whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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