eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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