her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
