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• (707): View more from California

  tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?

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• (409): View more from Texas

  We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  You're welcome.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again

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• (352): View more from Florida

  We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.

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• (714): View more from California

  Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.

  (714): View more from California

  Worser: she offered to clean me up

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.

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