marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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